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LOST IN SPACE-THE SKY PIRATE
THE SKY PIRATE WRITER-CAREY WILBUR DIR-SOBEY MARTIN NEW MUSIC-not credited, goofy, poignant music (ie--embarrassing). NARRATION: Last week, as you recall, a strange alien spaceship had landed on the planet. As our space family approached it, they were unaware that two strange pairs of eyes were, even then, watching their every move. NOTE: Since only John and Will were two of the four moving up on the craft (along with Don and Smith) I hardly think that counts as "our space family" at least not in its entirety. TEASER--not fully recapped, missing night scene about how long the supplies will last--ten years--and the approach of the alien spacecraft. NOTE: Also Will's line of "Probably none at all, Dad's signaling to Don that it's okay" is totally gone." They cut right from the two younger men moving up to the ship to Smith's shivering. Also note--Smith's jogging in place is a different take--more of a long shot and missing his "He's going down." Morning--John, Don, Will, and Smith move up on a small craft. Will, Don, and John have laser guns. John doesn't believe in taking chances and he and Don move up to it. Smith says, "I wonder what kind of horrible creature lurks inside that spaceship." John and Don go inside. Smith shivers, chilled. He asks Will to withdraw with him over the ridge to keep out of the wind. Don looks in, "They must have been little green men." John says, "Oh, very funny." They find a hammock with the initials AP and the name Tucker, "Now who could AP Tucker be and what would he be doing in a ship like this?" Don notices too late the door closing. Smith jogs in place over the ridge. He stops, does fighting moves, Will leaves. A two headed shadow is on the floor--something is up on the ridge and sneaking up on Smith. Smith looks up and screams hideously. When Will hears Smith scream, he runs back the area. He finds a pirate yelling and scowling at Smith, his beard done up in ties, obvious Earth pirate clothes, and a strange far out space gun-rifle, and robotic metallic parrot on his shoulder, yelling, "Arrgghh!" ACT ONE Will sneaks up on Tucker with his laser gun (which has no heat syncs on top--a variation of the first season laser gun), Smith has fainted, and the pirate sees Will. He introduces himself as Alonzo P. Tucker. Tucker whistles and the metal bird makes Will's gun fly to Tucker's hand. Tucker calls Will a scrubby boy but Will denies he is. Nick is the bird who says appearances can be deceiving, on the status of on nature of things and other such nonsense, and vanishes.It is an S-Bar, its horn glows and so does its eyes. Tucker says, "Sonny, I been to a lot of places where things ain't what they appear to be. "I'm Will Robinson." Smith turns up from his fake faint, "I'm Doctor Zachary Smith." He gets up. Tucker calls him Zac; Smith responds with, "Zac, indeed." Will says to Smith, "And I thought you were hurt or something." Smith holds Will in front of him. Tucker threatens to make Smith loose molecules floating around using his gun if he doesn't tell him where they are. Will tells Tucker, "He doesn't know where we are, none of us does. We were headin' for Alpha Centauri and we went outta control--we crashed here." Smith calls them only a small party. Tucker makes Will and Smith go to a rock where they see Penny and Maureen in the garden near Robot. He tells Will to go to them. He needs food, blankets, cigars, and cheese. Smith says, "I am not very popular with these people." He cons Tucker into keeping Will as a hostage instead of him, then goes down to the Robot, "Now listen very carefully. There's a very dangerous man on the hill with the boy. He's going to kill all of us unless we kill him first." Robot tells Smith, "The prime directive forbids taking human life." Smith cancels the directive. Robot goes up the hill. Tucker tells Will to look out, then comes up to Will himself, "Bolt of fire--it's a man of tin!" Robot fires his electric blasts from both hand claws! ACT TWO Will pulls Tucker back, "Lookout!" Robot fires; Will tells Tucker they'd better run. Tucker whistles and Nick makes the Robot's power pack come into Tucker's hand. Tucker tells Will they should go down to settle someone's hash. In the spacecraft, John and Don try buttons; Don saying, "Sure and blow us up with the ship." One switch makes the ship shake; another opens the door. They get out. Night--Will asks Tucker about a pirate life. "It's wrong, that's all." He wonders about some of what Tucker tells him and asks if he could be an honest pirate like Robin Hood; Tucker suggesting looking for dirt poor fella and makin' him happy with the treasure they have. NOTE: New music for LOST IN SPACE--happy sounding junk. Will wishes he could be an honest pirate as the cook beans. Maureen runs out of the Jupiter II, "Will's gone. That terrible man took him hostage," she tells John and Don. Smith lies, telling them he offered himself instead of Will. He tells them about Tucker. Tucker and Will, apparently in a cave, eat. Tucker is from Punkatonie, Pennsylvania. He has to tie Will up when they decide to go to sleep. Will promises not to run away. Tucker cons Will into taking a blood pirate oath, telling Will he bets Will attends Sunday school back on Earth (Will doesn't deny it). Will asks to take a little pirate oath. Using a pin, Tucker stick's Will's finger and his own and they put their thumbs together---amid more new and very goofy music. NOTE: Scenes like this may seem fun and cute at first or goofy and embarrassing but when one considers it will end up like the second season's THE GIRL FROM THE GREEN DIMENSION, THE QUESTING BEAST, THE SPACE VIKINGS, MUTINY IN SPACE, and several from the third season---one can see it in the light of day as being all that would make LOST IN SPACE episodes turn into mundane time wasters. Pirate Oath which Will has to repeat: I swear by this here blood and by the bones of every pirate that ever took this oath that I will be true and faithful to the articles and if I ever break this oath, I hope I fall down dead in my tracks and rot. So help me. They put the fire out. Will says his prayers, then asks Tucker if it is all right. Tucker wouldn't have a shipmate who didn't say his prayers. Tucker pretends to pray and the two go to sleep. Before falling off, Will asks if pirates have to wash behind their ears, take lessons, and mind their older sisters. Tucker says no. Tucker quietly and secretly tells Nick to keep an eye on Will. Morning: they sing blow the man down. Nick whistles and the two hear a crash as they walk along. The ground shakes Tucker and Will, who rush and hide by a boulder. They see a metal eye on a metal stalk surrounded by fins, two ball like antenna hubs on it. Tucker calls it the eye and nose of a galactic enemy after Tucker's treasure, "There are pirates in this universe that ain't as honest as I am. Rogues and cutthroats is what they are. They'll cut yer throat in a minute--this is the worst one." Tucker tells Will to quietly move in and it won't hurt him. Will moves in; the antenna nubs go up and a ray from the eye hits him stiff. Tucker seems to leave the boulder...and Will who is standing in the ray, unmoving and trancelike. ACT THREE Tucker smashes the eye with a rock. He doesn't want to worry his other folk. They sing the "are we worried--o'coarse not!" Oh boy, this is embarrassing to watch. Will goes the cave; Tucker to the Jupiter space camp to negotiate with his folks. The bird whistles; Will hands Tucker his gun. At camp is a table set up. John wants them to search for Will using quadrants on the map with the alien ship as an apex. Smith puts a new power pack in the Robot and tells John he is at his service, "commandant." He was to remain, by his own order, to protect the ladies. Maureen says, "Oh, Dr. Smith, you are a coward." Smith gasps, "That you would think I would refuse to lay down my life for that boy..." Maureen stops him when he calls her dear madam, "Don't you dear Madame me." Tucker returns and Smith faints again. John pulls Don back from attacking Tucker. Maureen asks about Will. Tucker comments on the weather, "Hot, ain't it? Bill n' me got to be great friends." He wouldn't harm the little nipper. John calls Don off again, Tucker threatening that if something happens to him, Will, tied up (a lie), wouldn't be found. John says, "Never mind, Don." Tucker wants them to fix his ship so he can leave and come up with parts so he can leave this blasted planet. John agrees. He gives them one hour to send Smith with their answer using a white flag. He can count on Smith being a coward. Tucker shakes Zac's hand, telling the others Smith has the worst case of nerves he's ever seen. Tucker leaves. Maureen says, "Oh John." John tells them they have to revive Smith, "I think we're gonna need him." Tucker tells Will about people on the planet called Mallarin---they are poor and human--but are hatched from eggs. He loved the planet and hated leavin' it but the pirate business there was kinda slow. Will asks if Tucker will ever show him the treasure and Tucker says, "O'course." He asks about taking a treasure ship. Tucker tells Will they make people walk the plank out the space port. Will says, "I don't think I could ever kill anybody or make them walk the plank." Tucker says, "Even if it wasn't what they call human?" Will says, "I wish I could say yes, I really do, but I don't think I could ever get used to killing anything." Tucker tells Will then they will go on a pirate voyage and not kill no one, just disable their drive, board, loots, and leave just enough gear for repairs. Will wants to start tomorrow. Smith arrives outside the cave. Tucker goes out, "I ain't gonna hurt ya." Smith tells Tucker he is allergic to weapons and tells John's proposal--Tucker and the boy return to the Jupiter II while the repairs are being made. John gives his word he will not be molested. Tucker asks Smith if Smith would trust John and take it. Smith says, "Certainly not!" Tucker will take it---he figures a fella can't go wrong listening to Zac's advice and doing the opposite. Tucker tells Will they will soon be pirating as soon as his ship is fixed. Maureen gives coffee to John in the morning at the table. Robot says, "Company is coming." Will struts in, almost ignores all the others, "Hi mom, hi dad," and seats Captain Tucker. Maureen says, "He couldn't care less about being home." John tells her, "Take it easy." Maureen says, "Take it easy--look that's not our son, that's not Will--that's a complete stranger." Will tells Tucker, "Mom's a pretty good cook." Maureen says, "Pretty good?" They sit. Will lights Tucker's cigar. Don asks Tucker how long he's been in space. Smith tells Tucker, "It is 1998." Tucker figures 100 years. Custer got massacred at the same time Tucker vanished from Earth--the year 1876. He was crossing the Buffalo Rodger's Railroad in Pennsylvania when he left. Smith informs him the first spaceship didn't leave Earth until the late 1950s. Tucker tells Smith it wasn't an earth ship he left in but a Tellorian one, aliens who picked him up in a flying saucer with a force ray. They pick up folks for study but are good folks once you get to know them. He was born in 1858 and is over 140 years old. He spent most of his time in a time freezer and hauled out by the Tellorians when they needed it. Night: Will and Don work outside the alien space craft--it is very small. Don, John, and Tucker inside, later, talk about the drive. Tucker just pushed buttons to make her go and made only simple repairs. Smith is outside listening to them talk. Tucker explains the craft shakes and quivers and goes zoom. The stars go out, he explains and then come back on. NOTE: As they talk, a loud burst of the background sound effects interferes. It then returns to lower sound. Don calls this ship, "A starship." John says, "Hyper space drive." Don adds, "Faster than light travel." John says, "Speed in parsecs." Tucker tells them they have a bargain to fix his ship. John says, "With this ship we can get back to Earth in seconds." Don: We can shuttle back and forth. The best brains on Earth could dismantle it and find the secret of its drive--we'd have starships that could reach the furthest regions of our galaxy. John (excited): The universe!!! How bout it, Tucker? Tucker has to think about this. Outside, Smith picks up a part. Tucker leaves the craft. Don tells John, "We can take this ship." John asks, "Then what?" They can't run it. Smith comes to the door. Don calls, "All right, Smith, how long've you been standing thee?" Smith claims he only just arrived and he gives Don the part. Smith leaves and finds Tucker just outside. Smith tells Tucker he can make him very rich. Nick warns them of a sound. Tucker hears a loud sound, "Run! Run ya blasted..." Tucker runs. Smith looks up in the clear sky and sees a giant space satellite turning out of the sky, coming faster and faster, getting bigger and bigger to his field of vision, then slowing over the planet. Smith runs in fear. ACT FOUR Secretly, Will listens as Smith tells John and Maureen about, "An enormous alien spaceship that seemed to terrify our pirate friend half out of his wits." Will runs off to warn Tucker. John suggests they go to the Jupiter II to set up a defense. Maureen finds Will is gone, John calls for Will. Maureen says, "Oh John." Smith says, "Oh, the pain, the pain." In the dark, Will moves past trees. Tucker comes out of the cave, the entrance covered by brush and vines. Will was worried, "Besides, I like you." He reminds Tucker of the oath. Tucker and Will rest inside the cave. He is hiding from a thing from Cygnet 4--something "too awful to describe." Will asks Tucker why he doesn't blast it with his nucleonic planet buster but Tucker later admits it isn't that at all--he doesn't know what the gun does. Nick whistles. They hear growling sound, low in the throat; cue DERELICT music. Nearby and outside, a giant raisin like blob shakes the cave. Tucker tells Will he doesn't know what the gun will do. He took it from Cygnet 4 when he had trouble there, Tucker calling them backward folks. Robot has the forcefield on outside the Jupiter. Inside, John questions Tucker about the monster and why it followed him. Tucker says, "Now you are the nosiest people I have ever seen." Will gets the gun device to work--it is not a gun at all but a projector which puts images onto the wall of the Jupiter II where there is a door. They see an image of Tucker running from the blob monster thing. Will had just been thinking of Tucker. Will thinks of John and Maureen. Nothing. Don. Nothing. Smith tells Will to think of him. They see Smith leaving the Jupiter II with parts and going into Tucker's smaller craft with his parka on. Tucker yells--Smith tried to steal his ship. Don says, "Smith!" Judy says, "Dr. Smith!" John tells Don to check Smith's room. John says, "I think I know what this means--it's some kind of forecaster and it shows the future of anyone the operator thinks about." Maureen says, "Why darling, that's witchcraft." John says, "No it isn't. It's science carried to fantastic extremes, the science of possibilities! Somehow this thing computes the results of plans in people's minds." Maureen says, "Welp, I don't know about you but I had plans for tomorrow---that thing didn't show anything." Don returns--he found parts in a locker hidden in Smith's room. Smith tells John he is protected, even here, by the Magna Carta and the Constitution. He tells them, "No, I only intended to go back to Earth for help." Don says, "Sure you were." Robot warns, "Warning! Warning! Situation dangerous! Red alert!" The blob thing comes toward the spaceship Jupiter II. Maureen says, "I think I understand now why there was only darkness when Will thought about us---this is the end, here tonight, right now---there won't be any tomorrows." John tells Smith to send out the Robot. Smith says it won't do any good, "It's no use. We're doomed." Robot answers all of Smith's questions in order of asking--but "it does not compute." The thing lights up and comes through the forcefield. Robot shoots it but it passes around him. Picking up the projector, Tucker moves to go out; John calls it suicide. Tucker runs outside; Maureen and John hold Will back from running after. Will calls, "Run Captain, run!" Tucker drops the projector in his running. The roaring, growler covers the gun and leaves--that was all that it wanted--the projector. Maureen says, "Well then there will be tomorrows for all of us." Morning: Tucker says, "Goodbye Mame," to Maureen and kisses her hand, "I hope I ain't been too much trouble." He says goodbye to John and Don, shaking their hands. Tucker says, "If I run across anyone out there in space, I'll try to send some help back." Will has been listening with his hands behind his back from the ramp of the Jupiter II, closer to the inner door. He wants the Captain to stay and if not, he wants to go with Tucker and be a pirate too. Tucker tells him he ain't no pirate--all he ever was--was a town nuance, there is no treasure. Tucker yells at Will and tells him the truth--he is nothing but a petty thief and yells at Will to stop his blubbering, "Don't you be botherin' me." Will backs up and Tucker leaves. He stops at John and Maureen, "I just thought I had to do that for the boy." Maureen says, "We understand, thank you." Penny and Judy, sitting in chairs beneath the Jupiter viewport tell Tucker goodbye. John and Maureen go to Will on the ramp. Maureen kisses Will's head. CLIFFHANGER: The Chariot moves across the desert past three huge rocks and back farther some mountain ranges. We hear the Chariot music. It stops and John, Will, and Don come out, unloading gear. Don yells at Smith, "Get off your back, Smith, and give us a hand." Smith uses a delicate back excuse to Don. He needs water. It is after breakfast and they must drill for detronium. Will tells them Smith ate what Will left. John tells them he better get the sign up before it gets too late when he comes back (oh, is it that far?). The sign reads: DANGER--KEEP AWAY--IONIZED GAS---JOHN ROBINSON. John walks to a desolate area of few trees. He puts a wood stake in the ground, then hits it with a rock. Gas comes up from the stake spot and gathers around John. John falls and chokes. Smoke covers him as he lies on the ground, almost completely unseen due to the gas. REVIEW: Tucker is like a poor man's Hapgood and THE SKY PIRATE a poor man's WELCOME STRANGER. There are many similarities with the earlier story being much better. Why couldn't they try to shuttle to Earth and back? Why wouldn't Tucker let them? The story had some potential in that Will was somewhat taken over Tucker and his life of piracy and adventure---but more is not made of this. THE ISLAND, an underrated movie and book, made the most out of this premise. LOST on the other hand, didn't. When Maureen's concern that Will is not himself due to Tucker's sort of brainwashing is just merely laughed away, we lose a chance to see some real drama and conflict. Pirates are almost always handled wrong on television and this is no exception. Pirates can be very interesting and dangerous, as well as generous and kindly...and religious. Other than a few passing comments, we don't find out much about Tucker's pirate background. Is Tucker a real pirate? We don't find out here. We also do not find out how he came to be in an alien ship--and what aliens the ship came from--did he escape the Tellorians or did they let him go? How did he come to be a free floater in space? TREASURE OF THE LOST PLANET, the sequel in the second season seems to think so. Penny and Judy do very little once again. Smith has a remnant of his evil side when he orders the Robot to kill Tucker. Smith's fainting grew to be too much here and bordered on the silly but at least Smith wasn't too over the top. This time, that was saved for Al Salmi and Billy Mumy. Their scenes together are often coy and embarrassing to watch--and makes one appreciate the Will-Smith scenes all the more. The monsters were rather well designed--the eye stalk ray firing device and the blob monster were quite different, even for LOST IN SPACE where much is used over and over again. For a tale about a pirate being chased, there is far too much talk in this story. The new music is not credited. Gee, I wonder why--it is so goofy. The alien space station seems taken from a movie called WAR OF THE SATELLITES. During the third act scene with John and Don in the smaller craft, Don realizes Smith was outside spying on them. NOTE: Once more Earth seems to be the main destination for them to try for instead of Alpha Centauri but here it makes sense--since the power drive would give Earth traveling devices beyond anything they ever could imagine--but this whole interesting conversation between John and Don--who would act like Smith and steal the ship if they could (!!!!)--is forgotten and Tucker is allowed to go romping off through space (to where?). I suppose they should have come up with some other way to explain why they couldn't get to Earth using Tucker's device. ERROR SPOTTING: Some reviewers feel the line Tucker says, "...you make em walk the plank out the space port" says "you make em walk the plank out the space pod." The space pod appears in the third season only (perhaps made by the Robinsons as THE RAFT was made) but the line is supposed to have been a precursor to the Space Pod which it was not.